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Rainy days and Mondays

May 17, 2011

As you’ve surely read by now, Monday will live in infamy as the day of one of the worst-pitched baseball games ever. In 2.1 innings, the Royals’ Vin Mazzaro choked up 14 earned runs to the Indians, setting a new record for a reliever and swiftly supplanting the Cardinals’ appalling weekend against the Reds as the ugliest thing to happen in Ohio since Jim Traficant.

Lost amid the media’s glee at Mazzaro’s line, however, was another feat of inglorious efficiency, achieved by Derek Jeter and documented in the New York Times’ latest article about the soporific scandal between the Yankees and Jorge Posada:

“It’s all good,” said Jeter, who in less than four minutes used a variation of the phrase “we’re on the same page” nine times.

Wow. Nine times?

As it turns out, Jeter wasn’t the only one sowing clichés on Monday. In fact, they were flying so fast and furiously that I thought we’d play a little game.

INSTRUCTIONS: Match the meaningless sound-bite
with the player or manager who uttered it on Monday night!

1) “I don’t know, it’s baseball.”
2) “There comes a point in time in life that the things that you can control, you stay on top of, things you can’t control, you’ve got to find a way to let go or they’ll drive you crazy.”
3) “I’ve got news for you. It ain’t routine until the freaking thing is over.”
4) “Whatever it is, it is….It is what it is.”
5) “Some of the plays didn’t go my way. It’s a funny game.”
6) “We just have to take it one day at a time.”

A) Cubs manager Mike Quade, enlightening his team after their collapse against the Reds
B) Phillies pitcher Cliff Lee, after surrendering a career-high six walks to the Cardinals
C) Mazzaro, after his historic drubbing
D) White Sox pitcher Edwin Jackson, musing on his team’s shutout by the Rangers
E) Pirates manager and life sherpa Clint Hurdle, after being beaten by the Nats
F) White Sox manager and usual cliché-eschewer Ozzie Guillen, after the loss to the Rangers

ANSWERS

1) D. For the record, a Google News search for “It’s baseball” yields no fewer than five discrete sports quotes from the past 24 hours, with Vanderbilt University coach Tim Corbin showing his big-league counterparts how red-blooded baseball banality is supposed to be done: “It’s baseball. You can’t be surprised when you play sports. You put a jock strap on, you get out there and anything can happen.”

2) E. Makes sense. If I were affiliated with the Pirate organization, I’d be well acquainted with the Serenity Prayer by now too.

3) A. I won’t point out that losing actually is pretty routine for the Cubs, because until they’ve finished their series with the Reds, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

4) B. Lee felt that his strike zone was too narrow on Monday night. His vocabulary was too.

5) C. Mazzaro was awarded his “Understatement of the Year” medal while on the train back to Triple-A Omaha.

6) F. NOTE: “Arnold Schwarzenegger” is also an acceptable answer.

How did you do? If you got four or more correct, congratulations! You’re clearly giving 110%. If not, don’t despair—remember, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes it rains.

Think about that for a while.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. May 17, 2011 9:03 am

    Soporific??? Don’t you begin every day with reading about what you missed last night concerning Derek’s contract / hitting / Minka / fielding and last year’s Gold Glove / aging body / Core Four / and new Ford ads? If not, you West Coast types are really missing out. (And Derek’s parents really do live up the hill from me, and gave my kid Halloween candy.)

    Right now, the more entertaining of my New York teams is the Metropolitans: it’s always better to watch bad young players than bad old players. Why, just last night, I stayed up to watch an 11 inning loss, with the game winning hit delivered by the opposing relief pitcher. That ain’t no cliche.

    • fearlessleader permalink*
      May 17, 2011 10:22 am

      “….you West Coast types are really missing out….”

      Uh, we’re kind of busy keeping track of the Governator’s love-children. Speaking of cliches.

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