Dear John (Axford)….
[An open letter to the newest and potentially coolest Cardinal]
There’s so very much I need to say to you, Mr. Axford, and I probably ought to start with an apology for the fact that I used to think you were yucky back when you were a Brewer who was mowing down my team and making Duck-Dynasty-foreshadowing grooming choices, before this happened and I realized that you and I would probably get along just fine.
But my prose, like your hair, is better short than long, so I’ll let bygones be bygones and keep this brief.
I know you like art, since you tweeted about it yesterday and you had a fairly awesome 80-second stint as an unofficial docent at the National Gallery. So, as a gesture of welcome, and as my way of letting you know that I’m already pretty attached to your Simpsons-quoting, film-festival-supporting, hair-donating, Jason-Motte’s-pants-wearing self, I made you this. I call it “Axford in the Leaping Laird’s Den”:
I hope you like it.
P.S. Peter Paul Rubens helped but I did most of it.