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Please don’t ask the broadcaster

April 29, 2011

It’s the bottom of the 6th. The Cards and Braves are knotted at 2. With two on and two out, Carp is gritting his way through the heart of the Atlanta line-up.

You know what that means: It’s time for “Ask the broadcaster!”

Groan.

I was excited about this feature when the Cardinals’ radio team first introduced it. I figured it would be an invaluable inside glimpse at the game of baseball and the craft of broadcasting—a chance to peer behind the curtain, learn some of the unwritten rules of the sport, and find out once and for all whose shoes I have to kiss in order to realize my lifelong dream of being the Cards’ play-by-play voice.

Apparently, though, a whole herd of Redbird fans—many of them, tragically, women—saw their chance to ask thumpingly obvious and simple-minded questions that every baseball fan should already know and every non-baseball fan should have the means to figure out.

What’s a 6-4-3 double play?

Who holds the Cardinal record for most stolen bases?

And just tonight: When do the Cardinals play the Royals this year?

Really, people? You have a precious twenty-second audience with Mike Shannon and John Rooney, and you’re going to treat it like it’s your phone-a-friend for Who Wants to be a Remedial Baseball Fan? And who’s choosing the questions that make it to the air—Sarah Palin’s media team? Come on, Redbird Nation, ask the tough stuff:

Do you ever just want to slap Tony when he starts doing that grouchy-mumbly thing he does?

Has anyone told Tyler Greene that the soul patch looks ridiculous, or is it a subject the guys in the dugout politely avoid?

Can I have your job someday? Please?

As for the softball questions, it’s simply too bad that there’s no radio equivalent of Let Me Google That For You. “What’s a 6-4-3 double play, you ask? Just click here and it will all become clear…..

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