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I Ain’t Missin’ You At All

April 13, 2013

Last night was, as I understand it, a banner night to be a Cardinals fan:

  • Shelby Miller dominated in his second start of the year, throwing an outrageous 76% of his 113 pitches for strikes, allowing one hit to the first batter of the night, striking out eight with a moving fastball and great breaking stuff, and retiring seventeen in a row to close his evening.
  • Kyle Lohse had precisely the outing Redbird fans hoped for: He was welcomed back to Busch with a standing ovation, and he pitched a terrific ballgame that just wasn’t quite terrific enough.
  • Yadier Molina clapped his former battery-mate on the back and stepped aside while the fans cheered, then doubled and homered to figure in both Cardinal runs.
  • Mitchell Boggs wrestled demons right in front of our eyes in the ninth inning, threatening to unravel before collecting himself and striking out two big-league bashers to end the game.
  • And the spirit of Stan Musial was everywhere—in the center-field grass, smiling from the outfield wall, sailing along with the first pitches from his grandkids, laughing through the earnestly pathetic sixth-inning attempt at a chorus of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” on 40,000 harmonicas.

That’s what I hear, anyway. Unfortunately, it all sailed right over my pretty little head, because, as the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reminded us all this morning, that’s what happens with us women: sherpa headline

[Brief summary: Dude writes to Life Sherpa in October to complain that his wife caused him to miss an important at-bat in the NLCS after the dude inadvertently caused their cat to scratch her in the neck. Life Sherpa loves letter so much that he hangs onto it until five months later, when baseball season returns, in order to empathize with dude using phrases like “tell your wife to quit whining.”]

Alas, my new WWSD? (“What would Stan do?”) philosophy will not permit me to respond in precisely the fashion I’d prefer, and I’ve got a lot of frivolous tasks I need to complete if I’m going to be ready to miss today’s game in a few hours. But if you’ve got a minute, go tell Joe how you feel, and ask him if it’s “just like a man” to miss the fact that insulting half your readership isn’t necessarily the wisest strategy when your industry is already dying a death by a thousand cat scratches.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. April 13, 2013 8:57 am

    Sheesh. What a dumshitte.

  2. Nicole permalink
    April 13, 2013 6:34 pm

    You are my favorite sports writer.

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