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More from the poetic justice files

April 17, 2013


Happy National Haiku Day! Alas, seventeen syllables is about sixteen more than the Cardinals’ performance against A.J. Burnett and the Pirates tonight deserved (okay, fine: Thank God for Beltran,/and no Adrian Johnson/to call his ball foul!), so let’s instead stay here in SoCal and revisit a poetic subject we had some fun with a year ago: The Los Angeles Angels of Anemic Aprils.

Yes, the Halos are off to another expensively excruciating start, with only one more win than a haiku has lines, and the Angel fans have responded with volumes of accidental verse in their online commentary. As always, some of them are cold, hard truth-tellers:

Its officially
the worst start to a season
since we were founded.

Clayton Kershaw has
more HRs than Mike Trout and
Hamilton combined*

For one day, perhaps
only one day, we can’t call
the Astros Lastros.

You can’t win, when the staff gives

up ALOT of runs!!

Others adopted a more personal, emotional style in their poems:

Um. Pathetic. These
guys are baseball players right?

The most sickening
3 games I have ever watched
as an Angels fan

Yesterday I said
we would be the laughing stock
of baseball. We are.

ohhh my god, i miss
scott shields and k-rod. this team
 make me wanna cry.

Just as last year’s poets turned their wrath upon Albert Pujols (who’s off to a good start in 2013 despite having trouble with his [poetic] feet), many of this year’s crop fixed their disapproving gazes upon Josh Hamilton and the decision-makers who purchased his services rather than improving the Angels’ pitching:

i guess anaheim
is just not a baseball town,
josh will cry again

They needed pitching,
they needed relief help, they
signed…Josh Hamilton.

The Angels replaced
Torii Hunter with a guy
who needs a guide dog

Some reached into the world of pop culture to capture the Angel experience (or to provide an alternative to it):

I thought Walking Dead
had their finale last week,
guess it was tonight.

These guys suck. They look
like the Durham Bulls at the
start of “Bull Durham.”

I get so pissed, I
turn it to watch “Cupcake Wars.”
I know….don’t judge me.

And one lone optimist went to his or her inner Zen place and found consolation:

At least we are off
to a better start than the
Miami Marlins.

Yes. Yes, they are….put down that wakizashi!

* Accurate when penned.
Team Hamilton-Trout now leads
Kershaw, three to one.

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