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The top 10 Rick Ankiel tweets of 2013….so far

November 8, 2013

I don’t feel like talking about the World Series, or about the “classy” ad the Red Sox stuck in the Post-Dispatch, or about the macho garbage going on in Miami and the macho garbage being barfed up in the media in response to it.

Let’s talk about Rick Ankiel instead. Specifically, about his Twitter habits, which rank him alongside Peter Gammons on the list of sports figures who use social media to impersonate symbolist poets. Let’s revisit the ten most profound Ankiel tweets of the year to date. (P.S. Sorry for the visual ugliness of this post; WordPress isn’t letting me fix the vertical space. Serves me right for making fun of a guy I actually really admire.)

#10: The unfinished sentence

ankiel 5

Where’s he going with this? “I, Claudius”? “I, Robot”? “I have the most amazing arm you’ll ever see on a ballfield but I do an unfortunate amount of tweeting with my butt”?

#9: Yeah, it was totally the last thing
ankiel 1jpg

You can Google it and stare at it for minutes on end, as I did, if you want to hold out hope that it means something, but….no. Butt-tweet.

#8-6: If only we knew who his favorite football player was
ankiel 2

I’m thinking Peyton Manning. That guy is awesome.

#5: And now for something totally differentankiel 7

Rick, no. Bad Rick.

#4: Here, have a palate-cleansing butt-tweet
ankiel 3
That’s better. And I have to say I love Rick’s commitment to his tweets. Once they’re out there, he stands by them, which is the hallmark of a guy who either understands the meaning of “loyalty” or hasn’t found the “delete” feature.

#3-2: Wait, I forgot who his favorite football player was
ankiel 4
Right. Manning. And in case you thought that the top tweet existed to correct the punctuation in the bottom tweet, notice that they were posted a week apart, so they represent two totally separate thought processes and Twitter-urges.

#1: Butt-tweetankiel 6

Oh, Rick. We never loved you for your literariness, but we’ll never stop loving you, either.

One Comment leave one →
  1. November 10, 2013 1:46 pm

    Fucke those Red Socke assholes.

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