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The disgruntling Easter bunny and other Mike Shannonisms

January 13, 2014

mike_shannonIn honor of Mike Shannon’s contract extension, which will keep him behind the Cardinals’ microphone alongside John Rooney for at least a few more years, I thought I’d dip into the collection of Shannonisms that Julie and I have been scribbling down during games for the last several seasons. I can’t guarantee that these are all 100% verbatim, since many of them have been recorded via the time-honored leap-from-couch-and-dash-to-nearest-writing-device-before-forgetting-what-he-said method, but I promise you they’re pretty close, and I guarantee they’re good for a grin.

Mike: Did you enjoy the fireworks here last night?
John: No.
Mike: Did the 3-0 loss have something to do with that?
John: Yes.
Mike: Did that temper your fire?
John: Yes.
Mike: It’s bad when they temper your fire. It’s like the Easter bunny with no eggs. Just so disgruntling.

Mike on Ryan Howard: Well, Mr. Howard can put a dash to your trash, that’s for sure.

Seatbelt Safety Guy doing a guest spot in the broadcast booth: Seven out of ten traffic fatalities are people who are not wearing a seatbelt.
Mike: WOW!!! So what you’re saying is, if they would buckle up, it might not be ANY of out of the ten?

Mike on the slow-working home-plate umpire: This umpire looks like he has double-time disease. The other way.

Mike: Watch out because we’ve got the broadcast cops out today [gives the ‘This broadcast may not be reproduced or disseminated’ statement]. That’s a word you never hear in the dugout. ‘Disseminate.’
John: Thank you for that, Mike. I’m glad the fans were here to hear that bit of information.
Mike: That’s because of the broadcast cops. They’re like the fish cops.

Mike on then-Mets pitcher Oliver Perez: I always thought Oliver was a classy name. Especially in….poetry. And scripture. How about you?

Mike on umpire Tim McClelland: Just so you know, this guy won’t ever call a pitch. He takes four, five seconds every single time, so tell you what, we’re just going to call ’em and then we’ll let you know if he disagrees with us or if he gets ’em right. [a bit later] We get more calls right than he does. I guess he called that last pitch a ball, but you can’t tell with this guy. He only cares about himself.

Mike on Juan Pierre: Pierre is a pepper pot. If you turn him upside down, he’s a popper pet, and that’s what we want him to be tonight. There’s strike one and oh! that was definitely a popper pet.

Mike on a crazy game: This is the wild-pitch phase of the moon. It’s bad when that moon goes into wild-pitch phase.

Mike on the URL for the Cards’ website: There are a LOT of slashes in that Cardinals website, you know. Lots of different pages you can go to. There’s a slash for harmonicas, and a slash for….rain delays…..
John: I don’t think there’s a slash for rain delays.
Mike: There’s not? Oh. Well, you know what there should be a slash for that there isn’t? Pumpkins!

….And we’ve got lots more where these came from.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 13, 2014 11:16 am

    Seriously laugh-out-loud funny — and I had to share with my Cards fan co-workers too, who also enjoyed it immensely. More, please!

    • January 13, 2014 12:03 pm

      Thanks Chris! We have about ten pages of these, so you’ll definitely get more. 🙂

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